Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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