Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
