yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
