Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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