come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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