i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
