Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I want a musical about memes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
