Where is the hickey?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
