im about as happy as oj after his trial
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
