I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
