I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
