ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
