OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
