Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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