The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
