my sisters under your porch take her home
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
