Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
