the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
