her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
