Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
