who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
