There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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