Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
