Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
