I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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