when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
