I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
