How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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