It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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