I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
