At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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