How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
