yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
