We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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