So drunk its hurt
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
false alarm. still invincible.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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