is your mom at the bar?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
