my sisters under your porch take her home
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
