He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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