Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize