There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
