i don't like sucking hair
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
