I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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