So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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