i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize