is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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