She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
