you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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