her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
