Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
