Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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