i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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