its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize