When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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