Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize