Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
