win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
