cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
