i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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