pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
