Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
