Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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