That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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