The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you would pick up someone in the library
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
