take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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