shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
