Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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