Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
