do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
