We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
