So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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