he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize