So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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