My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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