I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
