i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
