she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
