i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
