btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
